How To Make Room For The New Year 2024

Usually I wait until January 1st to put away Christmas decorations, but this year I started right after my yearly trip to Yuma to celebrate my sister’s birthday on December 26. December babies have to firmly establish that their birthday is a whole separate celebration from Christmas. Y mi hermana, has almost done that, except that some people (me) still wrap December birthday gifts with Christmas paper or bags, maybe what I need to do is shop in January for her birthday gift? The Greenes all know that right after Christmas Ben and I and anyone else who can, drive to Arizona and we enjoy a day with tia Marina and family. This short trip just about wraps up the year for me.

At the end of every year, I am usually too exhausted to do any serious work, so I relax a bit, as much as I can before our church’s annual new year’s eve potluck and “Talent or No-Talent” Show. No baking, shopping or wrapping helps makes for a restful moment, pero all the while my mind is conjuring up an act for the big show and a plan to face the Christmas de-decorating.

Este ano, I thought that I would give myself a head start, since packing up Christmas is left  to guess who? Por supuesto! Mom! She can handle it. De todos modos, I needed the hard work, I needed to keep busy porque mi mente, hijole! It is starting to over think this particular new year and the  changes that loom over us. Como siempre, I start with a solid plan for putting all the decorations. Bien organizada,  professional organizers might even approve of it. Asi es, I plan on putting all Santa and sleighs in one box, and snowmen in another, snowglobes separate, ornaments all together and so on. Pero, in the end, I’m tired and crabby, having those thoughts that moms get when kids don’t bother to help unless you ask and you’re left all alone in the sea of Christmas mess. Ya saben como es. Way before I can see an end to the work, my plan unravels and at that point all I really really want to be done, with the same or less amount of boxes to store. Pero fijense, it’s always like this: I scour the house looking for all things “Christmas” to pack up,  then carefully, or  mas o menos con cuidado, I package and wrap each item. Imagine a Tetris game, I shove things into any available space in the boxes, luego, I close them up, seal them with bright orange masking tape supplied by Benjamin Greenes Painting, y listo! Mission accomplished. Nunca falla! As soon as all the boxes are stored I find the things that missed the radar, and all through January things will pop up, so far I’ve found 2 items in the kitchen, 4 in the laundry and ornaments on the tree that is now outdoors. Pero aside from those things, Christmas is packed away and the rooms tidy and lonely. My daughter in law Monique, walked in on December 30th and was shocked and saddened by the “emptiness” of my living room. It is always like this, the whirlwind and brightness of Christmas, with twinkling lights and jingle bells,  is stored away for the winter. My living room and dining room seem  barren in winter, y este ano, I feel the cold more than ever, asi es, even in sunny San Diego. 

A couple of  nights ago  I was working on this post, pondering on what it will mean to have my first born son Jonathan, and his family, his beautiful wife and cinco de mis nietos, gone to another nation. Asi es, they’re scheduled to leave to South America, Bolivia for missionary work in a few short weeks, pero I sat there in denial, es que, it just wasn’t real. La Paz in Bolivia is 4,893 miles away. Just at that moment, he walked in with a very important item to return to me for safe keeping. His original Christmas stocking! I stared at it, remembering his first Christmas with us, we were well into parenting, 9 months of experience behind us at that point. I was excited about Christmas and anxious to  sew his stocking. Ouch! I felt that pang of separation. He tried to joke, “yea ma, you guys make sure to fill it each Christmas and get the goods to me” It wasn’t funny, but I’ve got to be strong verdad? 

I’m trying to find the right voice or tone as I write. One that sounds grateful for answered prayers. I mean, not only is he saved from his sin and in his right mind, but he’s preaching the Gospel, can I get an Amen?! Please. I had some mixed emotions when he went to pioneer and pastor a church in Bonita, in San Diego, after all he left the home church, pero ahora si, I’m beginning to get the full impact of Jeus command in Mark 16:15 “Go ye into all the world” Quizas I should have a voice of excitement and wonder, mi hijo, will be a missionary, this is a chance of a lifetime. What is God gonna do through their willingness to go? Y pues what a privilege to be a part of God’s family in Bolivia, people they will help win into God’s kingdom. Shouldn’t I be strutting “La Madre Culeca” dance? Asi es, proud to be his mama, telling his story to any one who will listen.  Pero, instead, as the days approach much too quickly, separation anxiety is barking at the door of my heart, wanting to be fed. Worry is throwing fiery darts at me, thinking of all the “what ifs.” Lately, everytime I see my son,  I want to run and cling to him and ask him, are you sure God called you to this? I hear the mocking voices saying “didn’t you pray for this with them? What are you afraid of? Y asi es, I did pray and I am grateful and pleased to see all that God is doing, most moms would understand me right now. 

How in the world am I gonna get through this?! I won’t cry, times like this is when I wish I could put on my Cold Blooded Englishman’s ways. My Benjamin stands in control,not rigidly trying to hold back tears, pero honestamente, his way of processing is pretty quiet and calm. My bestie is also well poised and calm, hijole! But me, there I go again, crying. I will get through this because, I know that I know, that the best place for my children is in the will of God. Aun asi,  the waves of emotion squeeze my heart and when nobodys looking, tears spill out, pero, I’m not crying, at least not at the moment.

There’s lots to do, I’m gonna help them and pray. I’m gonna be a needy mom and push myself into their lives and apapachar them, hopefully not clingy but a helpful hand for them. When I see them off I’ll keep praying. We’ll save our money and when it’s time, all in Gods time of course, we’ll go and see them. Ayudenme por favor and pray for the “Lil Greene’s” as we have dubbed them, as they get ready to be launched to La Paz, Bolivia in a few weeks.  Gracias, y que Dios los bendiga. 

My Busy Christmas Season

I love Christmas time. It’s sentimental, it’s fun and cozy and despite the crazy busyness, it truly is a wonderful time of the year. Todo el mundo esta bien ocupado right? Then Christmas time comes around. There’s a whole lot on my list to do just for Christmas and I wish I could say that I’ve got a nice orderly check off list and plan, pero, I don’t. In my heart and in my mind I know the things I must include in my Christmas season and as the days get closer and closer to Christmas, I “do the next thing” on the list. 

Here are some of the things I do at Christmas time

Decorating after Thanksgiving- Somehow it became the unspoken rule that we had to get the Christmas decorations out immediately following Thanksgiving day. Our tradition goes like this: Ben pulls out the decorations. I empty my living room and kitchen of regular “decor” to make room for Christmas nativities, snow globes, angels, snowmen, stockings and anything else I’ve collected through the years. Hijole! 35 years of Christmas collecting going on in this house! Aveces, things do get hung up. Este año, I didn’t put up my apas christmas stocking, I really did feel that change. Someone asked why I didn’t do it and I didn’t have an answer, pero ahora, I know that I didn’t want to see my apas stocking empty on Christmas day. I wonder if there are Christmas stockings in heaven? Then whichever of the kids are around helps me spread the Christmas cheer throughout my two front rooms and my middle child, Emery goes through the room and “adjusts” everything to perfect Christmas symmetry. Mi hija Daniella enjoyed going behind him this year and purposely unbalancing things and waited for his reaction as his eyes caught the infractions.  When all was said and done, my house was cozy and festive. 

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Getting our Christmas Tree is also a very important part of Christmas, pero this year was tinged with bittersweetness. Ben and I went back to our early Christmas days when it was just Ben & Rosie, no kids to help with the delicate matter of right height and good shape. Y sabes que? Ben and I did a good job choosing a nice tree.

Luego, with my impromptu pics, I create my Christmas card, place my order and make my mailing list.  Ben’s job is to hand the cards to our church family. After this, I squeeze in everything else, my December days fill up quickly.

Baking bread is what my mother inlaw taught me and I love to share my loaves at Christmas time, it’s something I do throughout the season.This year I enjoyed a bread baking day with my sweet Cassi girl, she’s my sobrina and I loved my day well spent with her.  Baking with my grandkids is just for one day at Christmas time and I still need to squeeze in that day. It’s just one day, pero honestamente, it will require a good night’s rest, porque cutting Christmas cookies with 8 grandchildren requires super strength, just writing about it made my heart pace increase.

I’ve set my date with my cuñada Sandra for our annual tamalada. Christmas without a tamalada is a pretty serious loss for this Mexican American girl. Last year, we dropped the ball and didn’t gather for the hard working tamal making day, and I was sorry. Tamales, remind me of my childhood Christmas’ and evoke the vision of my ama working hard to make tamales for her family. Don’t get me wrong, I did receive yummy tamales from Sandra and other tamaleras but it wasn’t the same, I didn’t help to make them.  I’m so thankful for this tradition I have with my sister inlaw.

Every year we enjoy Our church’s Christmas plays, the kids declaring the message of the Gospel, bloopers and all are quite delightful. Pero este año, it’s extra special because mi hijo is the director and my granddaughters are in it! Uyuyui! The Little Prince at the Potter’s House Christian Church 3520 Mt. Acadia Blvd. San Diego, CA 92111. If you’re in San Diego, you are welcome to come and see it live, performances are Sunday evening at 6pm on December 17 and 24.

The ladies at my church gather every year for our Christmas ornament exchange. Lots of fun, fellowship and competition. We’re all aiming to get our hands on the best ornament. Y por supuesto, everyone will want the one I bring. 

Our annual Scrooge family Dinner is our coveted time with the Alsobrook family, our longtime dear friends, it’s right around the corner.This year we are having a breakfast dinner, Bens delicious sourdough pancakes will be the main event on the feast table, of course I’m going to spice it up with some chilaquiles. This is a humble but delicious Mexican dish made with fried tortillas and a red salsa that my ama made for breakfast, served with frijolitos and fried eggs. Yum! (I’ll share my recipe on another blog)  Our Scrooge night also involves a white elephant gift exchange. The rules for the gifts we bring to the table are: no gifts over $5, used, and still useful gifts are very welcomed. We do have to warn the little children that if they are participating, the gifts are very thoughtfully “Scroogy” or “Codoish/Stingy.” Everyone has a good time getting creative y por supuesto, everyone breaks the rules!

Through all my activities, I’m squeezing in shopping. I’m still pretty old school so I actually drive to the stores and shop, hijole! I’m so old fashioned. I guess I shouldn’t be complaining about the crowded stores or long lines, verdad? Pero, “going” shopping is part of the Christmas tradition.

It is my hope and prayer that all people everywhere, especially my loved ones, would enjoy Christ all year round, it truly does make all the difference for a “whole” life. Christmas time is yet another opportunity to be blessed and filled, I hope you are swooping up on that chance of a lifetime, I did when I was 18 and I am blessed!  Que Dios los bendiga and may he make your Christmas merry and bright with his spotlight. 

How We Jump Into The Holiday Season

Seasons In San Diego

 San Diego is not a four season city, but we are technically in fall now. Except for my niece Cita who feels heavily the 100 degrees of summer heat that sweeps through the city of La Mesa, a suburb of San Diego, the  seasons usually are very subtle in their presence. Pero, As soon as September shows up, we all “feel” the spirit of fall in the air. The weather cools and we shift gears, the holidays are coming soon. Since we don’t get the natural brilliant colors of my Cold Blooded Englishman’s home state of New Hampshire we make do by fashionably displaying warm colors in our clothing and decor. Para mi, September ushers in the warm flavors of cinnamon, cloves, ginger  and chocolate. My favorites are Chocolate Abuelita and Pumpkin Spice Lattes. September is also the kick off to our holiday festivities. Every week of the entire month has a celebration day. Y yo pues, I am not gonna lie, I complain about the crazy busyness, pero me encanta! Special occasions are celebrated, simply or with pomp, y los Greenes, we jump in muy exageradamente and rejoice at God’s blessings and upcoming holidays. Here’s how we jumped into the holidays this year.

A nice Labor Day picnic at Tidelines Park in Coronado closes the summer days. Our fellowship of churches in the county of San Diego gather and we enjoy family, friends, and good food todo el dia! Our “day off” for rest from work, requires a second day off to recover from all day picnicking. Pero, que siga la pachanga! The show must go on, after this, we are at birthday parties every week of September. In my “abuela mode” I’m starting to feel it, but I don’t want to miss out, so I’m just a bit slower, and leave earlier. I do thank God for my life and all of mis amores. 

Mi gran-sobrina, Camilla is first in line now. She kicks off September birthdays in the family. She is 3 but has the attitude of a 15 year old or a 50 year old. Perhaps hormones have not begun to work overtime in her, but she certainly is a feisty little tot. She loves wearing blingy heels (ya se! Really, heels for tots?) which barely raises her height, but it puffs her up to 10 feet and she tries to impose her royalty on anyone who dares to challenge her. Her big sister Rosalie, challenges her regularly.

I want to say that I celebrate my Benjamin everyday, I should. I am grateful everyday for my gringo, my love. Every September, I like to make a big deal of his birthday, he being the Cold Blooded Englishman that he is, says it doesn’t matter if it’s a big deal or no deal, pero no es cierto, even he loves that attention. I’m thanking God always for the chance to Celebrate with my husband every year we get together. Getting older makes you acutely aware that “life is but a vapor, here today gone tomorrow.” (James 4:14)   I’m so grateful that our kids are always ready to show their father their love and respect, especially on his birthday. This year was kayaks and burgers. The grandkids all got to take a cruise with apa on the waters of Mission Bay Park, the birthday grandpa was quite tired after all that rowing. Y sabes que? Besides some wonderful gifts,  “he”  got so man coffee cards, that my takeaway is coffee dates with my flaco all through the holiday season. I do agree that “sharing is caring.” and Ben does care our coffee time.

I did, as I always do, stop for a day of remembrance. September is the month Patty, my sister and friend took up residence in Heaven and some days I just can’t wait to see her again. I put on my Patty perfume and remember the sweet things, laugh at the crazy times, and although regrets do make their way into my memorial day, I rejoice for the wonderful relationship I got to experience with Patty. Daniella remembers that her favorite drink was diet Pepsi, so she chugs one down once in a while. She misses her tia Patty too, I’m so glad they had a good fun loving relationship. 

Luego, right after that bittersweet time we pick up where we left off. My 2nd granddaughter Nevaeh gets the birthday celebration spotlight on her, all eyes on Ve. This year she’s nine. What’s so special about being 9? Solamente, that it’s the last single digit year she’ll ever experience! Almost closing of her first decade of living! This year, while all the “children” ate pizza, her daddy presented her with her own whole California Burrito! Talk about coming of age. Hijole! She handled it. 

Following our nieta Nevaehs celebration, was our 35th wedding anniversary. Thirty five years of marriage haven’t come without a huge cost, if that sounds bien dramatico, it’s because it is. A man and woman that are selfish and sin-filled pledge their lives to each other, til death do them part. In our case, it has been only by the grace of God that we have remained on course. Not just on course but very blessed. It’s important to do more than just remember the day you were married. Yo creo that a couple that celebrates with gratitude in their midst  will do well for themselves and their children. Y pues, le doy gracias a Dios for his protection, his guidance, his promptings, his incredible patience and all of his abundant benefits. We celebrated by spending our day cruising on bicycles around the city of Coronado ( Hijole! That was a big deal for me, getting my trasero comfortable on that cruiser was hard, ok, I wasn’t comfortable. Then we picnicked at the nice park, watching all the school age kids run around with ease and energy.  This abuela felt it for days afterwards, but I’m glad I was able to do it still. Otra ves, I say that as “we get older”,  we see life from a different lens, the extra bifocal of focused thankfulness. We were young and strong and gave ourselves to each other and now were older and holding on to strength and we still choose to give ourselves to each other.The birth of the San Diego Greenes, established September 1988 is a worthy celebration. 

September always closes with a nicely wrapped birthday celebration for our daughter Daniella. This year her tia Marina brought her a taco piñata! The last time she got a piñata she was 18! And I do remember those “adult kids” whacking that piñata. Asi es, every once in a while we cling to our childhood traditions, even when we are all grown up. She was excited, because that little taco was packed full of goodies. Since we didn’t have time for the tradition of breaking it, she lined up all the kids and shared her candy with them. She was showered with gifts and love, then we all caught our breath before entering into October. 

That’s what the start of the holidays looks like for us, September blessings, busy and bright. Gracias a Dios for the holidays, we always look forward to more celebrating. ¡Que Dios los bendiga!

How To Connect With Your Grandchildren

I wished my granddaughter Nevaeh a happy 9th birthday this past week. It was a heartfelt wish, and I prayed earnestly for her. Pero, compared to all her other birthday wishes. I felt pretty lame, (I’ve got to stop that kind of comparisons) It seemed like everyone was sharing their renditions of “Sweet Neveah” over the past 9 years with slide shows, pictures of Nevaeh with tio Thomas, tio Emery, tia Lexi and grandma and more. Beautiful picture slides that I enjoyed in honor of Nevaeh Juliette Greene, but I did feel sorry that I didn’t do that and I must do better at showing my love. Aun asi, I have to remind myself the prayer I bring to God for her and all my grandchildren is a good gift, God hears and moves on our behalf.

My niece Cita suggested that I write about “Veah” as we all call her and I agreed that I should. Mi nietecita is a sweety, my strong latina genes sometimes think “too sweet for her own good”  (but maybe that warrants a whole other post) As I started pondering on Veah, derepente I jumped on a whole other train of thought that provoked all kinds of sadness, wistfulness and even loneliness, for a couple of days I’ve been on that train all by myself, crying, fearing all kinds of things, and grading myself as an abuela. Hijole! It’s been a bumpy ride. Did I tell you that I am blessed with 3 granddaughters and 5 grandsons. 

Our family is facing a really really big change in the coming months and I’m kinda starting to unravel. It feels somewhat like when my 2 older kids were getting married, and I thought my whole world was being demolished.One week right after the other, they set their wedding dates. I honestly believed that I was losing them to another mother, asi es, and they would choose that other family instead. I was gripped by dark emotions of loss and loneliness, they pounded me for months right into the wedding days. 

Pero, when they were married God helped me and then came the grandchildren. What in the world was I crying about? What loss? Only gain!

Writing that short paragraph was a good reminder, otra vez, that changes will come continuously and I must face them with God’s grace and rejoice.

Pero, back to my grandkids. This unraveling has provoked this thought: How is my relationship with my grandkids? Will the “big change” dry up the connection with them? Do they even care about Ama? Ya se, ya se, que dramática! I’m fighting off the worry and putting on my reading glasses all the way up the bridge of my nose, desperately asking God to help me read those beautiful little children that have a piece of me in them. I love them so much, I pray often and continuously for them, but they don’t know it. I’m a strong latina woman.  I’m pushing away fear of “estrangement” and facing the challenge to learn them. I want to learn their style, mis nietecitas are girly girls, always wanting to experience the latest pretty things, while the boys are mostly looking for the next exciting thing in their day. I need to really pay attention to the facial language my grandkids so expressively use. When they think they’re unreactive to things, their face shows all kinds of reactions that they forget to cover. Only thing is I don’t always interpret them correctly. What is their favorite color this month? Do mi nietos care that much about a favorite color when they’re busy in their busy world of exploration? What are their latest likes and dislikes? I need to appreciate their concerns and care too. They’re little, but they have boundaries.  I’ve got to grasp their kind of humor, so I can laugh at the right time, my nietos laugh out loud at the things that involve falling, farting and burping, hijole! 

That’s a lot of learning verdad? Gracias a Dios that he is willing to help me in this desire and need that I have. As I’m praying for them, equipped with another good book, by Stormie Ormartian; The Power Of A Praying Grandparent I’m also praying for “me and them” together. When everyone flocks to our empty nest and fills it, I get plenty of opportunity to study them, cousins and siblings all mingle together for chaos and fun. I’ve got to steady myself, get over the ‘aches and pains’ ‘ and dive right into my chances with them.

I  tested myself  just how much I do know my grandkids, y pues, lets just say, I’m looking forward to more knowledge acquisition and wisdom application on my abuela journey.

Maricella is my first grandchild. She is beautiful, pretty soon her dad will have his hackles up in extra “boys stay away” protection of her. She prefers comfy clothes, avoids dresses, but does like the girly styles. She knows how to do funny tricks with her very expressive eyebrows, she gets that from her maternal grandpa. She loves to listen to adult conversations, (mi ama always shooed us out of the house when adults were platicando) and  adds her contribution occasionally just like a grown up. She’s a great little helper to her mom and she’s a typical bossy first born. Her four younger siblings know not to mess with her. She has beautiful thick long dark hair  which she combs on her own, it’s a long process. When she’s busy with other important stuff  the top layer of her long tresses get a good comb and her hair looks smooth. Pero, sometimes ama does the “tangle test” and  uncovers the “messy look” underneath!

Nevaeh is also bien bonita, she’s a good combo of her mom and tia Daniella, the best of both beauties. She’s a girly girl, down to the stereotypical love of the color pink! Frilly dresses with jewelry to match and updos, that’s Nevaeh. She’s got a sweet and gentle way about her, quick to be generous with her things and her “turn”. Then, there’s the goofy side of her that loves to free style, making up phrases and verses she proudly bellows out loud. She also enjoys teasing her younger siblings. I wonder if that’s a middle child thing, because my middle son Emery loved to tease and torment his little brother. As much as she doesn’t want to show it, Nevaeh is a worrier. Her imagination runs to extremes sometimes. I can usually tell when her worry level is elevating, her eyes anxiously question, her eyebrows raise and knit together slightly all the while attempting to unknit them. 

Rachel is our miracle baby, God healed her from a dangerous infantile hemangioma. She is our little guerrita, o gringita. Very light brown hair, blue eyes and creamy light skin, a little cherub! She is shy and in crowds, she’ll cling to her momma, but in one on one settings, she loves attention. She’s got the “art gene.” I love her interpretations of people when she draws. Rachel likes the color purple and she too absolutely insists on girly outfits, fitting accessories and hairdos that display her golden wavy hair. Even though she is no longer the baby, she is in denial and uses that sweet voice, mingled with tears to get the desires of her heart at the moment. Since she is a big sister she loves trumping that card on her little brothers, she can’t seem to decide if she wants to be a big or little sister.

Marcus, Braye, Judah, Jeremiah and Uriah my 5 grandsons. Todos bien chulos y tremendos! They are rough and tough, or at least want to be, but when that doesn’t work they resort to whining, it seems to work for Rachel often enough. Judah is the “Knock Knock joke” king, he has to settle for that title since little cousin Uriah has taken the baby throne. Marcus is the corraler, he hates it when he doesn’t know exactly where his little brothers are and can’t contain them.Braye’s the cool dude, he’s smooth and sweet and he knows it. Jeremiah is the pesky little cousin who thinks he’s Spiderman. He works hard at impressing his older cousins and they work hard at being impressed. Uriah is still baby enough to be the boss of them all for now. When they need me, they let me know and then dismiss me. They claim to be hungry often, pero yo se, that they really are just bored. You can only climb so high on the tree or jump for so long on the jumper. There are only a few positions to sit on the skateboard and ride, the driveway is not long enough for real bike riding and so when exciting and dangerous things are off limits, like apas shed and tools, they resort to boredom. Now that I think about it, I heard on a Focus On The Family podcast episode, that boredom is a harvest field for creativity. They need to get busy like me.

Change on the Horizon

In the not too far future, some of my grandkids will be moving away, prefiero no pensar en eso, but I’m thinking more and more of it as the day draws near. They’ll be almost 5,000 miles away.  Que voy hacer? Well, I’m going to focus on today, they’re all near today y pues I really need to step up my abuela game. They have some wonderful grandmas, super fun tios and willing tias who do all that “frilly nilly” girly stuff. How in the world will ama get their attention?

Just the other day I was challenging the boys to a basketball game, hijole!  they were sure I’d lost it, y quizas I have. I’m not sure that I can last more than 5 minutes. Can I really enjoy a “nail day” with the girls? Thankfully they do like baking also. Anyone know where I can find “the funniest” knock knock jokes in the whole world? I’ll have to introduce Marcus and Vaeh to the Hakuna Matata song,  imaginate! Days without worries. It’ll do me some good to hear it with them. 

En Conclusion

Le doy gracias a Dios for the chance to be ama  to the most beautiful grandkids in the world 😀. I am choosing to shake off the “stinkin thinkin” and looking for ways to enjoy them and bless them, y por supuesto, I’ll keep on praying for them all. Que Dios Los Bendiga. 

How A Dream Came True

At the risk of sounding bien dramatica or very stereotypical of a latina woman, I have to say that all the difficult circumstances that surround my life have been bien duras! Hijole,  anxiety wants to cram into my mind at the weight of things. My eyes dart here and there at the sight  of impossibilities that need fixing, and they often fill with tears, bien chillona! Que vamos hacer? Y pues, there’s very little that I can do to fix things  in my own strength. You’ve heard it said “It’s in Gods hands” Y asi es. I’ve got to put all things in his hands and wait on Him and  choose to see the goodness of God even through difficult times. With that said,  today’s writing is going to be a “count your blessings” post. Asi es, un poquito culeca, victorious as God has blessed my son on his journey. 

Ever since Emery was a kid, he’s had this wild dream of owning and operating his own theatre program. Imaginate, he wanted to be dueño y el director del theatro! He had a vision beyond my hesitations and worries, y pues I  do have a lot of concerns. Pero, he pressed on and for the last 10 years, he has worked hard in a part time position, promoting theatre classes, graciously and sometimes ferociously filling the role as director. He used all his God given talents in the arts and drew resourceful people to his side. Together with young students, their parents, friends and family he established a platform for the kids to learn the arts, enjoy hard work and glow in their shining moment on  stage. It seemed like everyone was falling in love with “Mr. Ben.” Parents often tell me “We love Ben” and they put substance behind that appreciation by supporting and helping him in many ways. Mi hijo, (I love to say it, claim it and embrace it, being “mom” to my kids is something I cling too, hijole! sometimes a bit too tight. Even Ben, my Cold Blooded Englishman, is very pleased to see his son shine, but you have to pay really close attention to see the outward show of emotion) Emery grew up and into his role as  director and mentor during these theatre classes. He flourished as an artist, piecing together his ideas for age appropriate scripts, stages and costumes, and as soon as ideas would light up his “artistic board” he wasted no time to recruit help to create a beautiful work. Through all the hard work, the kids have always been front and center. He enjoys a good rapport with kids as he has proven to be trustworthy and compassionate. He loves to share with them all the good things God has done for him and gives them a comfortable place for them to share their lives with him. They want to know and care what Mr. Ben thinks about them. He’s praying and we’re all praying that his life, testimony and witness for Christ will point them toward Jesus the author and finisher of their story.

One of the strongest assets Emery has, is a heart of gratefulness. He’s grateful to God for his hand on his life and this journey. He appreciates his beautiful wife who immediately jumped right into his dream. She helps wherever she’s needed and she does it with such confidence in her role, “Mr. Bens beautiful wife and assistant” He’s incredibly thankful for the students who give their all in talent and heart to practices and performances. Y por supuesto, all the wonderful supporting parents, who love Mr. Ben and his great dedication to the Arts and their kids.

Ok ya pues! I am happy to share with you that he finally got his opportunity. He opened up for students and auditions this past summer in Greene Tree Theatre and this month we celebrated the first production. It was amazing! Four performances in all and the final night was an absolutely packed auditorium. The ushers/dads had to pull out folding chairs for the extra people who attended. I almost couldn’t contain myself. Well, en realidad, I didn’t contain myself when one of the moms was directing me on how to pay at the snack bar electronically. She gently explained that I needed to make sure to add an ‘e’ to the end of Green. For about one long second, I just smiled as I attempted to practice humility. Pero, when she clarified that it was “Green with an e at the end” I wouldn’t resist any longer, she used my line!  I smiled again and said “yes, I know, it’s my name too.” realization came to her as I smiled  real big and nodded saying “Ben is my son” It was great! She lit up, so happy to meet me as if I had anything to do with it. I mean, his dad and I are just the producers. My posture was straighter as she “thanked” me for having him, imaginate, I loved it. It was a wonderful first production for Greene Tree theatre.

Y asi es, in the midst of trials and anxieties there are victories. I was reminded of Gods encouragement in Zechariah 4:10 “For who hath despised the day of small things? for they shall rejoice and shall see the plummet in the land of Zerrubabel with those seven; they are they eyes of the Lord, which run to and fro through the whole earth.” God helps Mr. Ben and blessed us all in the process, it’s good to focus on God through the blessings, la familia Greene le da gracias a Dios siempre. Que Dios los bendiga.

A Mothers Heart

Thank you Mitch Teemley for sharing this post. In a season of mourning, when desperation wants to keep me down and take away my breath, it arrested me. It was a good reminder that I’m not alone and that I’m not the Author and Finisher of her life and destiny and encouraged me to keep on praying.

When Mothers Mourn

How To Manage the Cycles of Life

With so many changes in my family and life, I’m grasping for the past, or at least wanting things to remain unchanged, because change always feels like loss. I miss my loved ones, Heaven is so far away. The loved ones near me, like here on earth, are sometimes also way too far away leaving me with a lot of time to think and roll around in my musings. While I’ve been thinking demasiado, I’ve been re-reading my “stuff” and this writing below resonated with me. I wrote it during my caregiving season, my apa had just moved full time into our home and I realized that our roles had completely changed. The reality was a challenge to say the least

The Parent Cycle 

I’ve had the privilege of all the sides of parenting; a child, a parent and a grandparent and in between a tia.  When I was little I based my conclusions off what I saw and felt. I saw that mom had money, which meant she could spend it on me and I also saw that she was home all the time which meant that there would be dinner on the table. I rebelliously concluded that parents just didn’t get it, did they really not know anything? 

Then, I became a parent and got it. My mother did know what she was talking about. There really are things to learn from our parents’ experiences.

Suddenly I understood adults, or at least I could empathize and sympathize with them.  Issues are to be eventually faced, hopefully sooner than later. Just as suddenly, I dwelt in motherhood confused. Children became a mystery. Why in the world would little boys play a game called “Who can punch the hardest?” Y ahora, now that I’m a grandmother I’m navigating the slower lane of life,  I can glance across to the parent and child lane and clearly see the potholes and traffic jams, I try to warn them “CUIDADO!” but they’re too busy.  Mientras, my dear apa  is in the slow lane of the elderly and fragile, he forgets how to maneuver and asks repeatedly when are we going home?

 I listen to my apas stories about his life in Mexico and his adventuras, I have to see his patria, where my own roots remain.  He talks about his family and I wanted to have a solid link with them. My dads memories soothed him and they left marks in my heart, voids of information that I had to uncover.

As we face the caregiving challenges of aging I am only too aware that dementia claws  into his memories and has taken some of what belongs to me, to us. My dads memories soothe him and stir me.  At ninety- two years my elderly  apa is a wealth of knowledge. lessons and warnings that came from a hard life, and as his daughter, I’m finally trying to catch all the learning I can from him, I’m no longer saying “I know, I know” His stories are laced with some victories, joys, regrets and all sorts of lessons. I listen, sometimes impatient to hear and find a new “Zepeda artifact.” Despite all of my caregiving limitations I push back against dementia. I glean all that I can from my apa, I let go of the old wounds (that’s a whole different post)  and open myself up to  receive and save into my portfolio his experiences, the Zepeda heritage, our roots in Mexico.

En Conclusíon

The winds of change are upon me and I am looking to the past to remember that even in changes there are blessings, and it reminds me that God is good all the time!

Que Dios los bendiga. 

Road Trip To New Hampshire

The Greenes and the Torreys share their ancestors’ old house. Every other year, 4 branches of the families divide the summer up and enjoy a time “ in residence” at the Manse. It was our chance to enjoy the old house in Jaffrey, New Hampshire, and we, Ben, Thomas, Emery and Monique and I planned to do just that. Thomas was counting the days and saving his money. Emery was excited to show and submerge his new wife into the Manse experience. Ben and I were looking forward to working on some of the countless projects that help keep the Manse in use. Luego, we were going to relax, read and rest, y por supuesto, we were going to enjoy Thorndike Pond and try to ignore the zancudos that loved our flesh.

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We planned and strategized on getting the most out of this trip. I wanted to visit our friends in Memphis and I wanted to check on other friends in Detroit, and with all these extra stops we settled on driving across the country. In all our planning and discussing our vacation, we regretted that not ALL of our kids were going. Daniella and the boys couldn’t come, pero what about Jonathan? Maybe he should try to go, it would be their last chance for a long while. Luego, the more we pondered and wondered at the idea, I loved it! Could the Manse handle our crazy family? How could we help make it happen? Finalmente we made a proposition that could work and get the rest of the San Diego Greenes to New Hampshire. What if we would bring our two older nietas on our road trip with us. Before we knew it, it was settled, Maricella and Nevaeh were going with us on our road trip. Hijole! What if they cried for their mother? What if they were scared? What if they hated it or worse what if they drove us crazy? Ni modo, it was set, we went from an “empty nest” trip to los abuelos con las nietas. 

The girls were excited for the road trip because they were going to be able to tell their tia Mel, who is just 2 years older than Mari, that they had been to more states than her in their worldly travels. Like a whirlwind on Monday morning, we swished about taking care of all the last minute details, in order to leave by 10am. Mari and Ve patiently waited for us, bueno, sometimes they anxiously asked “are we almost ready to go?” When we were eventually on I8 East to our first state; Arizona. 15 minutes into our trip, I was still trying to get situated with my pillows and “stuff” when de repente, a lil voice piped up from the back “D’ma are we almost in Arizona?” Hijole! It was going to be a longer trip than expected. Luego, we had to stop in El Centro, Ca. my birth home, because Nevaeh forgot to go potty before we left. Mas largo aun. Pero, no se preocupen, it turned out to be a beautiful trip. We enjoyed the beautiful desert scenes and greenery that came afterwards all along the way. Our nietas were excellent travel companions, the questions:  “are we almost there?” “What state are we in now D’pa? and “How many more  hours do we have to go?” were just enough to keep us on our toes. We have made this trip several times with our own children and I must admit that when you wear your “D’ma and D’pa hat the experience is less stressful. Jonathan, their dad says I have really gotten soft in my disciplinary ways. I guess he doesn’t realize that when you’re in grandparent mode disciplining is not necessarily in our priority, besides my nietas were absolute angels on the road. 

Every truck stop was a treat, the fast food meals were so much nicer with them, scenic stops were absolutely tolerated and needed. I can hear my kids saying, wow ma! We barely made any stops when we were kids and we NEVER got all those treats when we drove East. Pero, they just don’t understand that being D’ma and D’pa is a whole different level of parenting, in fact, it’s grand!

En Conclusion:

Gracias a Dios, He was with us all the way there and it was a wonderful trip. We captured several delightful memories, like meeting up with Elvis in Memphis, imaginate! Then in Ohio, we didn’t realize that the thunder was a warning that a downpour was coming, so we got caught and soaked in the rain. Y pues, even though Emery, our picture king was not with us, our cameras did manage to get some good shots.  We were all exhausted, pero gracias a Dios we were in beautiful New Hampshire, just being in that beautiful area brought rest and the swing in the barn called out to the girls at first daylight on our first day there. We enjoyed 2 full quiet days at the Manse before the entourage of the San Diego Greenes arrived, could it possibly survive us? We did warn Tio Sam that the house would be full. Right here I will give some unsolicited advice to the abuelos and abuelas out there: Make time and good memories with your grandkids, it’s good medicine for fighting off aging and stiffness. Que Dios los bendiga.

How To Take A Selfie

This past week we hit the road, excited for our adventure drive across the United States, my Benjamin, me and our 2 granddaughters. Segun mi plan,  I planned on recording every bit of the experience in my journal and of course with candid vivid pictures to share. We double checked and triple checked everything before we left, ya vamonos!

As you might imagine, 20 minutes away from home the youngest asked “ D’Pa are we really far from home?” Hijole, we knew it was going to be a longer trip. Ves, we had it all planned out, but we didn’t calculate the extra potty stops and the endless “are we almost there” “What time will we get there?” “How much longer?” We planned for short stops and driving straight to Memphis would “only” take 28. The stop in Memphis was going to be our refresher stop before heading on to New Hampshire. We were spending a day with our dear friends who were new to the great city of Memphis.  Those initial first miles into Memphis welcomed us with a thunder storm, pero, nevertheless,  it was a refreshing day, reconnecting with friends and encouraging each other through Gods word and his gift of friendship. While we were there, my niece reminded me, don’t forget to take pics, y por supuesto I had every intention of doing just that. We were gathering our things to hit the road again when I remembered that we hadn’t taken a pic with our friends. Well it wasn’t too late, we could still take one, if only my son Emery was with us at that moment. He’s the “picture guy” 

 My son Emery, is quick to make sure he gets pictures of practically every occasion he experiences. He captures sweet family gathering moments, special events are snapped into a beautiful memory. In this manner he keeps all of us updated on his life, even when he’s all alone, he does a great job with selfies. We definitely needed his picture savviness as we attempted to take a picture with our friends in Tennessee. 

Although we were in a hurry, we gathered in the living room in front of their “Tennessee state” ceramic plate hanging. I felt that that was an important part of the picture. Then Janice remembered, “Oh I have a selfie stick, let me go get it” That too was important, although I haven’t really seen Emery use one. As we stood under the Tennessee plate and waited, Janice rumbled around looking for the selfie stick. Just as her husband Herman said “I’m gonna finish my ice cream” Janice was triumphant “I found it!” as she rushed out with it. Herman insisted that while she and Ben figured it out he was going to finish his ice cream. Technology for us older folks can be tricky though. I stubbornly stood under the state of Tennessee plate, until I couldn’t corriendo I went to the bathroom while they worked on the selfie stick, even my Macgyver was struggling to figure it out, maginate! 

It was getting late, we had to get on the road, Herman finished his ice cream, I was back under the Tennessee plate again, then finally, Janice said “Ok, let’s do it” We gathered and got in place, por su puesto that I was already in place. We stood with a frozen smile as Ben pressed the button for the picture and we kept on smiling as he kept on pressing, it wasn’t working. Wait! He had another thought, so we stayed in place but relaxed our smiles. Ok, otra vez, smile for the camera. Pero, Click. No picture. Click, a little harder y vas a creer, no picture. I said “forget the selfie stick” Luego, Ben stretched out his arm and we all smiled and then just cracked up, forgetting our beautiful smiles, we laughed out loud! Increible how stressful it was to take a selfie. We handed the phone to our oldest granddaughter and she took the picture, oops she left out her sister, otra vez smile. Y, the Tennessee plate didn’t even show in the picture, her arms were too short. Wow! Maybe I should be respecting these selfie picture pros a little bit more, verdad?

En Conclusion:

Driving 28 hours straight from California to Tennesse was easy peasy compared to taking a selfie picture. Hijole! Gracias a Dios, that we made it safely, and took great pictures of our granddaughters all along the way and had a beautiful memorable trip. 

Jeremiah Turns Four

My nieto is growing, growing and growing, he’s a big little brother and a strong big brother, teaching his little brother all his tricks. We’ll be celebrating his birthday a for few days🥰 , and it will be a feliz cumpleaños! He is so excited for his party. Mi nieto, Jeremiah Joseph Greene will be four but he reasons like a travieso teenager sometimes! Somewhere along his short journey, he’s picked up the art of using words to his advantage. Hijole Es tremendo! and most of the time my eyes are too dim and my ears too dull to catch him in his shenanigans, porque sabes que? My grandchildren would never do anything wrong or bad, son casi perfectos. 

Pero on those rare occasions when they are “mildly” naughty, I sometimes find it hard to keep on that grandmother hat. I’m tempted to interfere when my muy innocente grandkids are being disciplined or not, ya sabes, their parents might be “too hard on them”. Where do I draw the line? Then when I do interfere, as much as I want to be that strong latina madre that I’m known to be, me acuerdo that I’m their abuela, I have to be sweet on them, pobrecitos, they didn’t know what they were doing. Asi es, I jump back and forth. Recently, I faced one of those “rare” occasions where I slipped on my mother hat, but I didn’t take off my abuela hat.

I was in my room when I heard my grandson Jeremiah’s voice go a pitch higher and louder. I couldn’t make out what he was saying, but he was angry and he was letting his mother know. My daughter in law, who has a quiet voice, was addressing the issue but I couldn’t hear her response. So in my strong latina fashion I went to see what was going on, disrespecting your parents is a huge violation, I couldn’t let Jeremiah do it, honoring his mother was important for his well being and I had to help him out. 

Me: Ok, I’m sorry Denise, I am going to step into this. ( Creeanme I really try not to interfere with my kids parenting, but sometimes it’s hard to refrain)

Me: Jeremiah, why are you being so mean to your mother?

Jeremiah: IjustwantedtotaywithMariandVe ( I needed translation before I could respond)

Me: Well your mom told you why you couldn’t already, so stop being mean and tell your mom that you’re sorry. (By this point he’s rubbing his eyes) 

Jeremiah: ( pobrecito, his cry probably reached heaven) ButIwantedtotay! (Now I wanted to know why he wasn’t able to tay, I mean stay.)

Me: (I kept a stern voice though) Jeremiah, you better talk right to me and you better tell your mom you’re sorry.

Jeremiah: (mumbled) tawri mom

Me: Jeremiah take your hands from your face and look at your mother and tell her you are sorry.

Jeremiah: (mumbling still and rubbing his eyes harder) I justakingthewateroffmyface. (I looked over at his mom and she was holding back a smile as she translated. He’s just taking the water off his face. (you see, in true boy fashion he could not admit that he was crying)

Me: (holding back a chuckle) Jeremiah, tell your mom you’re sorry and hurry because your dinner is getting cold.

Jeremiah: tawri mom ( He was looking down with his hand on his forehead allowing me to continue speaking)

Me: Good boy Jeremiah, now stop whining and be nice ok. I don’t want to hear you talking like that anymore. Jesus doesn’t like when you are mean and disrespectful. 

Jeremiah: (mumbles) D’maareyoudonewithyourtalk? (Again I needed translation)

Denise: He wants to know if you’re done with your talk?

Oh my goodness! And what was my reaction? Everyone present held their breath, what was D’ma going to do? Pues, my mother hat blew off! Bien chulo! I started laughing out loud and everyone followed, including Jeremiah. This abuela couldn’t resist my cute little nieto, I grabbed my grandson close and laughing I said to him “Jeremiah you must be nice to your mother!” and what did Jeremiah say? “IloveyouD’ma” I didn’t need translation. 

En Conclusíon

Y ahora, his birthday party is upon us and Jeremiah is anxious, he wants to make sure we ALL stay focused on him. He panicked yesterday with his tia Moe because he thought his mother had left for his birthday party without him! Oh he was in a dreadful panic, he wasn’t ready yet, he didn’t have his Spider Man costume on! Hijole, I’m glad his mother has been in preparation mode for the party, YAY! Porfavor, all eyes on mi nieto this weekend. Que Dios lo bendiga siempre!

Big Brother jeremiah adoring his baby brother Uriah